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We strengthen and reinforce healthy recovery whenever we do our part to repair relationships or reach out to others with support and understanding. Yet, to be truly successful at forgiving and releasing past wrongs, you need to go directly to the individual you’ve hurt. When you go directly to the person, real spiritual transformation is more likely to occur.
- A sponsor or therapist can help you talk through your choices, determine the best course of action for making amends, and consider how your actions may affect others as you seek to make amends.
- Sometimes I can listen supportively for a short period of time.
- We are not attorneys and are not providing you with legal advice.
- Finally, for once in my life, I had to rely upon God that after treatment at Ascension, my housing would be covered for sober living as long as I continued to do the next right thing.
- Along with reinforcing new behaviors and outlooks, making amends can also reduce stress.
At Living Amends, we recognize the need for sober living in the recovery process. As a result, we’ve developed our scholarship for those seeking a way to pay for this method of on-going treatment. Through donations and contributions from people who are also in recovery, we can encourage you to live a sober lifestyle. Making amends requires the individual to correct their mistake.
Should I Try to Make Amends with Someone Who Doesn’t Want to Hear from Me?
If we are honest and sincere about our amends, then we will not repeat those mistakes, and we will not rush people to forgiveness. We will honor the emotional consequences that stem from our behaviors, and seek to become healthier so as not to repeat them. We may be in recovery, but our family members may not be able to trust that it’s permanent or sincere. It took time for us to emerge from our chrysalis fully committed to recovery, and the people around us are entitled to go through the process without being rushed. All we can do is get sober, be the best person we can be and, above all, be patient. We should go easy on the words and strong on the actions.
Many people begin making amends as soon as they join AA. In some cases, simply opening up a conversation with a friend or family member about your history of alcohol use can begin the process of making amends. Working Step 9 is challenging and you’ll likely need support and assistance as you work through it.
Strategies to Implement Living Amends
In his book he shares the situation of a woman who has a fight with her brother. Though he calls her following the argument, she doesn’t answer. Though we would certainly suggest she read some of our other posts on seems like regret and self-forgiveness, we also deeply appreciate the option of a ‘living amends’.
Sometimes it can be hard to know what to say when preparing to make amends. There may be so many times we feel we let someone down https://ecosoberhouse.com/ that it can be hard to know where to begin. We want to convey our heartfelt remorse but worry that our words will fall short.
Promises to do things differently
The donation doesn’t go straight to the scholarship recipient. Instead, if we award the scholarship to an individual, we pay a portion of the cost of the admission fee directly to the sober living facility. Additionally, the individual must pay the cost back as they continue through the sober living facility.
I have been to expensive and fancy treatment centers before, but upon discharge and return home to Austin, was never set up in the recovery community with the proper support and guidance. Many people think of making amends as simply apologizing for whatever wrongs they did in their using, however an apology is not an amend. An amend involves rectifying or making right what was wrong. For example, say that you stole $20 from your brother while you were using. In the midst of your ninth step, you say to him “I’m so sorry that I stole that money from you and used it for drugs”. A true amend would be giving him $20 back along with the apology.
Making Living Amends
Some of these same things can happen to the other person in the process. They may find resolution and understanding about the past. Or, they may gain greater insights about addiction and commit to being a more supportive person in your recovery.
My favorite part of my week currently is the weekly Step Study meeting I’m chairing and leading online. It brings my week an incredible amount of fulfillment, as well as accountability, as I continue to look at my own step-work journey. Feelings of hopelessness and desperation began to arise. The problem of not knowing what I was to do next was finally solved, but I had no way of doing it.
